Opinions on Not Learning Spouses Language

Hi!

My spouse and I are both native English speakers, but he also speaks another native language that is more commonly used in his home country. I’m able to communicate with his immediate family in English, but I’ve been feeling a lot of pressure from his family to learn his other language so we can communicate more easily and I can be more included in conversations.

I do understand where they’re coming from, but I’ve found it really difficult. My spouse isn’t willing to help me learn (and I understand it’s not his responsibility to teach me), and even though I’ve tried several times to learn on my own, I haven’t been able to stick with it. It’s not a very common language, so there aren’t many online resources available. On top of that, I’ve always struggled with learning languages. Even after taking French for years, I can only manage basic conversation, and I get a lot of anxiety when I have to practice speaking something I’m not confident in.

I guess what I’m wondering is whether I’m doing a disservice to my partner and his family if I never get beyond basic conversation in his language. Am I being selfish or inconsiderate? I do want to make an effort, but I also feel stuck and overwhelmed. If anyone has been in a similar situation or has any advice on how to approach this or make learning feel less stressful, I would really appreciate hearing your thoughts. Thank you!